Tim Westwood has been marketing some speakers which are designed specifically to amplify the bass of music played off a mobile phone.
Thanks Tim, but maybe you should try riding the bus with one of your mongfaced fans and then tell us if you still think it's a good idea..........twat.
=====
I bet the miners in Wales are wishing Ryan Giggs would turn up.
Not for their morale, he's one of the best at getting into deep, skanky holes in the middle of nowhere.
=====
MSN News: 'Topman Drops Sexism-Row T-shirts'
And then watches from behind as a woman bends over to pick them up.
=====
Fucking selfish Libyans.
After all we did for them and with all those guns lying around.
Not one of them shot that twat Cameron.
=====
Adele is set to release a cover of an old Elvis song.
In the Gateaux.
=====
A man with Alzheimer's walks into a bar.
And again. And again. And again.
=====
Irony: An epileptic in a fitting room.
=====
I'm convinced the only time my boss gets any exercise is when he Fucking Jumps To Conclusions.
=====
I love dressing up as peripheral Star Wars characters.
It's a Boba Fettish.
=====
I took a girl guide home to my flat last night. Seems the vagina is between the legs. Who would have thought it?
=====
I feel like a prisoner in my own house sometimes.
My dad leaves the soap on the bathroom floor on purpose.
=====
Lynx 'Scotland'
For those times when you want to smell like sweat, tartan, obesity and knife crime.
=====
I sent away for a chicken to be delivered by DHL and an egg to be delivered by Royal Mail just to see which would come first.
I ended up with two chickens by the time Royal Mail fucking delivered it.
=====
Next time I see someone wearing an eyepatch I'm going to ask them if it was all fun and games up to that point.
=====
"Did it hurt when you fell from heaven" I said to a rather attractive girl yesterday.
She looked horrified, slapped me and hobbled away on her crutches.
=====
I invited a girl to my house for dinner at 7pm tonight and she said, "Sure, if I'm late, just start without me."
I don't think she understood - if I could cook it myself, I wouldn't have invited her.
=====
I hate when I'm at someone's house and they ask stupid questions like "Who are you?" and "Is that a gun?"
=====
BBC News : "Ethiopian athletes 'go missing'"
They were eventually found hiding behind their javelins.
=====
We were poor when I grew up.
If you didn't wake up with a Hard-On on Christmas morning, you had fuck all to play with.
=====
If I ever assassinate a politician I am going to do it with a heavily annotated copy of Twilight in my pocket and Justin Beiber playing on my iPod.
=====
During my life, I've suffered numerous set backs and a shit ton of bad luck.
But at the end of the day, I know that no matter what happens, I'll always have my pride.
Seriously, the zoo can fuck off. I'm keeping the lions.
=====
I caught my son wiping his arse with kitchen roll today. "What do you think you're doing?" I asked.
"Pretending I'm a dwarf." he replied
=====
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"It's the RSPCA Mr Schrodinger, we would like to ask you a few questions."
=====
I'm an athlete, and yesterday was a great day for me. I came first, so I grabbed a Union Jack flag and did a lap of honour, waving and blowing kisses to my wife.
After a while, she said, "Just get back into bed and finish me off, you prick."
=====
There were 10 in the bed and the little one said Rollover!, Rollover!
Turns out he'd won the EuroMillions and was celebrating with 9 prostitutes.
=====
The good thing about schizophrenia is that you'll never be a single parent.
=====
So if I spray insect repellant on the insect itself, will he concede to self loathing and kill himself?
=====
BBC NEWS; Archaeologists working at Shakespeare's old house in Stratford have been confounded today by the discovery of a room in the basement containing the remains of 1,000,000 monkeys chained to tiny typewriters.
=====
BBC News: "What Stonehenge sounded like 4,000 years ago."
I'm pretty sure that it sounded much the same as today.........silent.
It's a bunch of rocks you fucking idiots.
=====
Just saw Audley Harrison is on strictly come dancing. Tenner says he gets knocked out in the first or second round.
=====
Can someone please put the Americans out of their misery and tell them that 9/11 is 0.8181.
=====
Don't do the crime, if you cant handle the anal.
=====
BP said if they were allowed to drill on more sites by government they could create over a million new jobs for the UK economy.
Of course most of those jobs would be cleaning oil off sea gulls.
=====
My mate asked me: "What is the shortest race in the Olympics?"
"Chinese."
=====
Jason came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking drunk (as he often did) and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep.
He gave his wife a peck on the cheek and fell asleep.
When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe.
"Who the hell are you?" Demanded Jason, "and what are you doing in my bedroom?".
The mysterious Man answered "This isn't your bedroom and I'm St. Peter".
Jason was stunned "You mean I'm dead!!! That can"t be, I have so much to live for, I haven't said goodbye to my family. you've got to send me back straight away".
St Peter replied "Yes, you can be reincarnated but there is a catch. We can only send you back as a dog or a hen.Jason was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen. A flash of light later he was covered in feathers and clucking around pecking the ground.
'This ain't so bad' he thought until he felt this strange feeling welling up inside him.
The farmyard rooster strolled over and said "So youre the new hen, how are you enjoying your first day here?"
"It's not so bad, but I have this strange feeling inside like I'm about to explode"
"You're ovulating" explained the rooster, just relax and let it happen".
And so he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first time. When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that had ever happened to him ever!!!
The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg he felt an enormous SMACK on the back of his head and heard a voice shouting "Jason, wake up you drunken bastard, you're shitting the bed!
Thanks Tim, but maybe you should try riding the bus with one of your mongfaced fans and then tell us if you still think it's a good idea..........twat.
=====
I bet the miners in Wales are wishing Ryan Giggs would turn up.
Not for their morale, he's one of the best at getting into deep, skanky holes in the middle of nowhere.
=====
MSN News: 'Topman Drops Sexism-Row T-shirts'
And then watches from behind as a woman bends over to pick them up.
=====
Fucking selfish Libyans.
After all we did for them and with all those guns lying around.
Not one of them shot that twat Cameron.
=====
Adele is set to release a cover of an old Elvis song.
In the Gateaux.
=====
A man with Alzheimer's walks into a bar.
And again. And again. And again.
=====
Irony: An epileptic in a fitting room.
=====
I'm convinced the only time my boss gets any exercise is when he Fucking Jumps To Conclusions.
=====
I love dressing up as peripheral Star Wars characters.
It's a Boba Fettish.
=====
I took a girl guide home to my flat last night. Seems the vagina is between the legs. Who would have thought it?
=====
I feel like a prisoner in my own house sometimes.
My dad leaves the soap on the bathroom floor on purpose.
=====
Lynx 'Scotland'
For those times when you want to smell like sweat, tartan, obesity and knife crime.
=====
I sent away for a chicken to be delivered by DHL and an egg to be delivered by Royal Mail just to see which would come first.
I ended up with two chickens by the time Royal Mail fucking delivered it.
=====
Next time I see someone wearing an eyepatch I'm going to ask them if it was all fun and games up to that point.
=====
"Did it hurt when you fell from heaven" I said to a rather attractive girl yesterday.
She looked horrified, slapped me and hobbled away on her crutches.
=====
I invited a girl to my house for dinner at 7pm tonight and she said, "Sure, if I'm late, just start without me."
I don't think she understood - if I could cook it myself, I wouldn't have invited her.
=====
I hate when I'm at someone's house and they ask stupid questions like "Who are you?" and "Is that a gun?"
=====
BBC News : "Ethiopian athletes 'go missing'"
They were eventually found hiding behind their javelins.
=====
We were poor when I grew up.
If you didn't wake up with a Hard-On on Christmas morning, you had fuck all to play with.
=====
If I ever assassinate a politician I am going to do it with a heavily annotated copy of Twilight in my pocket and Justin Beiber playing on my iPod.
=====
During my life, I've suffered numerous set backs and a shit ton of bad luck.
But at the end of the day, I know that no matter what happens, I'll always have my pride.
Seriously, the zoo can fuck off. I'm keeping the lions.
=====
I caught my son wiping his arse with kitchen roll today. "What do you think you're doing?" I asked.
"Pretending I'm a dwarf." he replied
=====
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"It's the RSPCA Mr Schrodinger, we would like to ask you a few questions."
=====
I'm an athlete, and yesterday was a great day for me. I came first, so I grabbed a Union Jack flag and did a lap of honour, waving and blowing kisses to my wife.
After a while, she said, "Just get back into bed and finish me off, you prick."
=====
There were 10 in the bed and the little one said Rollover!, Rollover!
Turns out he'd won the EuroMillions and was celebrating with 9 prostitutes.
=====
The good thing about schizophrenia is that you'll never be a single parent.
=====
So if I spray insect repellant on the insect itself, will he concede to self loathing and kill himself?
=====
BBC NEWS; Archaeologists working at Shakespeare's old house in Stratford have been confounded today by the discovery of a room in the basement containing the remains of 1,000,000 monkeys chained to tiny typewriters.
=====
BBC News: "What Stonehenge sounded like 4,000 years ago."
I'm pretty sure that it sounded much the same as today.........silent.
It's a bunch of rocks you fucking idiots.
=====
Just saw Audley Harrison is on strictly come dancing. Tenner says he gets knocked out in the first or second round.
=====
Can someone please put the Americans out of their misery and tell them that 9/11 is 0.8181.
=====
Don't do the crime, if you cant handle the anal.
=====
BP said if they were allowed to drill on more sites by government they could create over a million new jobs for the UK economy.
Of course most of those jobs would be cleaning oil off sea gulls.
=====
My mate asked me: "What is the shortest race in the Olympics?"
"Chinese."
=====
Jason came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking drunk (as he often did) and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep.
He gave his wife a peck on the cheek and fell asleep.
When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe.
"Who the hell are you?" Demanded Jason, "and what are you doing in my bedroom?".
The mysterious Man answered "This isn't your bedroom and I'm St. Peter".
Jason was stunned "You mean I'm dead!!! That can"t be, I have so much to live for, I haven't said goodbye to my family. you've got to send me back straight away".
St Peter replied "Yes, you can be reincarnated but there is a catch. We can only send you back as a dog or a hen.Jason was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen. A flash of light later he was covered in feathers and clucking around pecking the ground.
'This ain't so bad' he thought until he felt this strange feeling welling up inside him.
The farmyard rooster strolled over and said "So youre the new hen, how are you enjoying your first day here?"
"It's not so bad, but I have this strange feeling inside like I'm about to explode"
"You're ovulating" explained the rooster, just relax and let it happen".
And so he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first time. When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that had ever happened to him ever!!!
The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg he felt an enormous SMACK on the back of his head and heard a voice shouting "Jason, wake up you drunken bastard, you're shitting the bed!